I’d like to think that I don’t like you, even if I drown in your brown eyes whenever you have a story to tell. Even if I feel every nerve in my body go crazy when I hear you call out my name. Even if I feel like I’m flying with the simple sight of your smile. Even if I fight the urge of wanting to hold your hand when we walk around. Even if I want to kiss you whenever your cheeks brush with mine in the middle of a hug. Even if I imagine what it’s like to fall asleep in your arms at night.
I’d like to tell myself that I don’t miss you, even if I long for your company most than any other person I have around. Even if I wish you were here to cuddle me in and laugh with me whenever I’d watch movies in my room. Even if I keep coming back to that moment when you held me and told me that I was going to be alright, with a peck on my forehead. And I’d like to tell myself that it meant nothing, but there are voices in the deepest part of my soul wishing that it did.
I’d like to believe that I see you as nothing more than a friend even if it stings a little bit when you talk about her.
I just have to reblog this because aqdojsdfghajksughhhh it’s just amazing how a photograph can say so much things
To the guy who made me burnt pancakes one morning..
I’m not sure of what I feel about you.
Some days, I miss you so much that I feel the pain in my chest from longing for your company. I’d linger that old bottle of perfume that smelled just like you and I’d get flashbacks from out time together. Some days, I hate you so much for running off out of nowhere within the days that seemed to be perfect. Some days, I feel like I still love you that I actually want to tell you to bring me back. But I never want to chase someone who walked away. Some days, I want to tell you everything about how much you hurt me, because I never did. I acted like I was okay because I don’t want you to think that I am weak, and I don’t want to be another thing added to problems. Some days, I want to travel those hours just to see you for one, even if I just see you from a distance. But I’m not sure of how to shake the feeling of wanting to feel your warmth again and just run to you, like the way I used to. Some days, I want to send you all the letters that I wrote from the days that you vanished from my life. Some days, I just look at our old photographs and videos, and appreciate those days when we were so happy and acted silly around tea shops. And I feel like those memories were one of the best I ever had, but it’s just sad that they had to end in a blink of an eye. Some days, I cry myself at night, thinking about when I had someone like you, because you know you always had a special place in my heart.
But then I realized that I really will always love you. It’s just that I love you in a different way now. You meant the world to me before, and now maybe you will be one of those people I know I had the most infinite times of my life with. And I just thought that, I don’t have to be sad. Because whenever I will look back to our memories, they will be perfect. They just weren’t meant to last a lifetime like we both said it would.
Maybe some day when we’d meet again, I could figure things out more clearly. But as of now I’m not so sure if I’m ready for that yet.
"honestly though, i want to be the person who’s brave enough to pack and leave her hometown, marching towards the unknown with freedom keeping her knees straight.
i want to be the person who feeds the fuck off of falling in love and adoring how romance nurses butterflies inside her belly.
i want to be the person who marches up to the cute boy in her biology class with a confession pocketed and eventually voiced, not caring about the outcome, or the highly probable rejection.
i want to be the person who sits in her room at midnight and admits how her own poetry makes her sad and at least attempts to stir up happy ones instead.
i want to be the person who’s not afraid of unsheltering herself, of giving people glimpses of who she is and what she loves.
i want to be the person who has music drilled into her veins and art blatantly carved onto her skin.
i want to be the person who knows the proper time to be brave.
i want to be the person who gets up on her own without having to hear how she needs to from anybody else.
i want to be the person who can lie wide awake at night without having her thoughts creep in, without having her worries eat into her brain.
i want to be the person who enjoys silences instead of being afraid of them.
i want to be the person who looks into the mirror and doesn’t see “lonely” sprawled across her forehead.
i want to be the person who’s more than just the reality of her gpa or the result of her recent math test.
i want to be “the person”.
someone other than me."
on wanting to be the person starring all of my “could have been”s // aed
"A girl in my Sociology class turns around during a class activity on goals to start a conversation with me. Her opening line is: ‘I want to get married.’ I nod and smile. She does not ask me my goals, just continues telling me the sort of guy she’d like to be with and how many kids she’d like. Thoughtfully, she adds, ‘My mom told me to meet someone and marry them. You don’t wanna date around because you wanna be fresh for the guy and not a….you know what.’
My cousin’s Facebook ‘About Me’ lists things she would like in a man. There is nothing about her or the things she does, only qualities she finds attractive. ‘Looking for someone who can play the guitar and cook a great dinner,’ she wrote. I can hear her bubbly, singsong voice while reading it. She is thirteen years old and has told me that girls ‘oughta only kiss their husbands and that’s it.’ When I ask her what she wants to be when she’s older she says, ‘Married.’
My male friend tells me that he has no problem with what girls do, but that he would not date a girl who’s ‘been around’ because she’d be ‘dirty.’ I wonder if each time someone touches you, a part of you is soiled. If there are piles of dirt in the spaces where others’ fingers once rested. In the shower, I try to scrub the smell of dirt from myself, but come out, still polluted, with red scratch marks all over me.
Being called a ‘you know what’ taught me some things: that I do not want to be touched by somebody who will judge my past. That I am not a tally book, with others’ names burned into me. If you have to label me as something, let it be a human being."
A “You Know What” | Lora Mathis
A middle finger to slut shaming.
"1. There’s a reason schools teach Shakespeare instead of John Green; you make your own life, it’s not written in the stars, waiting to start until you find that person with the perfect smile
2. People are a hell of a lot smart than you think. Shut your mouth, stop thinking you know everything, and listen.
3. Getting close and being vulnerable is scary as hell, But you know what else it is? Worth it.
4. Reason really is the doctor to love.
5. The moment you feel your happiness being dictated by another person, take a break from them.
6. Take a step back and look around, you have more friends than you think.
7. Growing up is going to happen and it’s going to be tough. Just stay close to those around you, you’re all in it together.
8. If you’re still checking their Facebook/Instagram/tumblr, you’re never going to get over them.
9. Everything seems worse in the morning. Don’t fall for it, it’s deceiving.
10. No need to be so intense all the time. People get tired of swimming in the deep end, sometimes they need a break in the shallow part of the pool.
11. Stop avoiding everything. Get out of bed, get dressed, go to school, go to work. It sucks at first but it’s part of the healing process.
12. If the person makes you feel like shit and you still go back to them, it’s an abusive relationship.
13. Headphones are great, but listen to music aloud every once in a while. Sometimes you need to scream a song so everyone can hear you.
14. Boundaries are a must.
15. You can be a caring person, but you need to be happy with yourself before you try to make others happy.
16. Try and understand other’s intentions and situation before you get angry with them.
17. Tough love is necessary sometimes.
18. You can’t fix people no matter how hard you try. Get this engrained in your mind.
19. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you.
20. Loneliness is lethal and makes you have a distorted view of things.
21. No one hates you more than you hate yourself. Stop being your own enemy.
22. Someone can only hurt your feelings if you allow them to.
23. Getting your shit back in order is five times as hard as it is to mess it all up.
24. Listen to your parent’s advice.
25. Be open to anything and everything. Life isn’t fun when you’re a closed book.
26. Talking about your problems is great, but there comes a point when talking about it becomes dwelling on the past and it drains everyone around you. Know when you’ve hit this point.
27. A lot of people don’t like their shit showing. More people than you know are going through hard times.
28. Distract yourself.
29. Don’t be so easily swayed, a lot of claims out there are not true.
30. Some seasons of your life are harder than others. This too shall pass."
30 Things I Learned During the 30 Worst Days of my Life: November 2013
You guys have got to read this ((and how weird is it that november 2013 was the start of my “worst days”))
"Its not just about sex… Don’t get me wrong sex is fucking great… But when you have a connection with someone… When you feel so strong for someone… Just a kiss is enough to make your knees weak… You just cant beat that…"